Hoops

Mami’s white-gold hoop earrings were in her makeup bag. How stupid had she been, bringing them with her? Dani had turned the place inside out, and there was still no sign of her bag or any of its contents. Those hoops were all she had left to remember Mami by, and they were gone. She sat against the bed frame, her knees to her chest, and looked around the room sobbing. Maybe at some point, Roger would find the makeup bag, or at least the hoops, when cleaning during the weekend or even when moving out. And then, maybe, he’d call her to come get them.

She’d wear those hoops whenever she was celebrating something and, no matter where she’d end up spending the night, she would always place them very carefully in a little terciopelo baggie, that she’d then put on her make-up bag to make sure not to lose them. But that morning, after waking up to an empty bed, she’d gone to the bathroom and discovered that the bag was gone. She’d had one or two drinks too many, she knew that, and Roger had insisted she go home with him. But she’d had her bag with her and she remembered her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she took off the hoops and put them in the baggie—there were not enough drinks in the world that would make her forget to do that.

She couldn’t stay there any longer. Roger expected her to be gone by the time he came back, it had been that way ever since she had broken off their engagement six months ago. She didn’t have it in her to get married and have children, she’d told him, the white picket fence was just not for her after all. She was more of the apartment type, on a busy street full of lights and noise at night. He had taken it surprisingly well, promising they would stay friends, maybe grab drinks from time to time.

Funny enough, the white-gold hoop earrings had been Mami’s gift for their engagement; passed on from Abuelita, who had given them to Mami for hers. According to Abuelita, hoops were out of the question for a married woman; married women had to be discreet, light, almost imperceptible, inexistent, and for that stud earrings was the perfect choice. But, until then, a woman was free to live her life to the fullest. Of course, back when Mami had gotten engaged, engagements didn’t last that long. It was one, two months tops. Or sixty-three days, as Mami liked to put it. Dani’s engagement to Roger had lasted three years. Three years, two months, and seven days. It was only when Mami had died that things had gone south. At first, playing good psychiatrist, Roger blamed grief and depression, but Dani knew there was more to it. Once Mami’s voice was out of her head, it had been easier for her to see that the future Roger wanted wasn’t really for her. Mami had always been crazy about Roger, ever since they had started dating during their first year of nursing school. To Mami, Roger could do no wrong. He was the most dedicated student, spending long hours at the library with Dani, and he was the sweetest, too, driving her home after their study sessions, and bringing with him some flowers or chocolates for la suegra. But to Dani, Roger was boring, plain, too predictable. After becoming an RN, he wanted to get into Med School—which he did only a year later—and then, after that, the normal course of action for him was to get married and start a family.

To celebrate their engagement, Roger had invited Dani and Mami to a fancy dinner at the best restaurant in the city. His parents were there, too, and Dani could tell that Mami was uncomfortable in her modest clothes and simple hairdo, even though Don Roberto and Doña Cecilia were from Colombia as well. Dani would quickly understand that that was actually the reason. Si vivieramos en Colombia, mamita, Mami said that night after Roger had dropped them off that day, yo estuviera de empleada en esa casa. Actually, Mami wasn’t even sure that at some point, when she had first arrived in New York, she hadn’t been their empleada. But the Caicedos had always been nice to Dani, and to Mami, too, which was another reason why Mami thought theirs was a match made in heaven. The main thing about Roger, though, was how he was set to become a doctor, alguien de bien, much more than Mami had ever dared to dream of, even for herself.

Despite fighting tooth and nail to put herself through college and become an ultrasound tech, Mami didn’t seem to have much luck with men. They were all half-drunks and the occasional junkie—Mami would say, though, until her last breath, how proud she was that she had never, ever tried as much as a joint or a drop of alcohol. But the beatings, that was different. Those were recurrent, and Dani remembered always seeing Mami in front of the bathroom mirror, concealer in hand, getting ready for work. Not once had she seen her cry, but she had heard her pleading a couple of times through the paper-thin walls. No man had ever come close to killing Mami, even though Dani was convinced that she was already somewhat dead inside. The thing was that, for Mami, those men had always had a redeemable quality. This one had brought her soup after her chemo, this other had taken her out to dinner for her birthday. After some time, Dani started wondering if she should take Mami’s love for Roger not as a good thing but rather as a red flag. She had called the engagement off two months to the day Mami was buried, and it had been the biggest relief she had felt in months.