Perwin Karataş

“Rüyamda gördüm seni,” Perwin would tell amo Güneş whenever he was visiting and she would walk into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table, contemplating Yade as she prepared breakfast.

Sometimes, he’d insist on helping, but Yade would hush him away saying, “What type of person would I be if I let a hero cook for himself?” They called amo Güneş a hero because he was in the mountains fighting the Turkish army. Their village, Perwin knew, had suffered greatly at the hands of the government, so some brave people had decided to fight back, and her uncle was one of them. Every once in a while, he’d come down to visit, and then Perwin would find him sitting at the kitchen table staring at her mother.

Perwin could tell when amo Güneş was around because Yade would smile for days; chores that she otherwise dreaded, like laundry, would come easy, and her eyes would shine as she sang her way through it. And at night, when it was time for Perwin to go to bed, amo Güneş would tell them stories of his time in the mountains, sitting on the floor between Yade and Perwin’s bed. Then, it was Yade who would look at him attentively, refusing to miss even the smallest detail. Amo Güneş visited only when his brother, Perwin’s dad, was in the city taking care of business. “He’s here to protect us,” Yade would say. “He just wants to make sure that nothing bad happens while your dad is away.” But then, once amo Güneş was gone, it didn’t really matter if Yabo was back, Yade would be sad. The light in her eyes was not there anymore and she wouldn’t sing, she would just go through the motions.

“What did you see?” Amo Güneş asked her that day in the kitchen, as she sat on his lap.

“No,” Perwin corrected. Only five, she already had an idea of how things should be. “You have to say hayırdır, then I tell you.”

Amo Güneş laughed then kissed her forehead, “hayırdır. Now tell me, what was it?”

“You were in the mountains, next to a little creek, and you saw a fish.”

“A fish?” He said, interested as he always was by her stories. “Really?”

“Yes, a fish. It was a glass fish. A good luck fish. It means that you’re going to win the war, and then you can come back home.”

Amo Güneş hugged her tightly, but all Perwin could see was a tear rolling down Yade’s cheek. At that moment, she wondered what in what she said could’ve hurt her, but she knew better than to ask. Even at such a young age, Perwin had learned that certain things shouldn’t be brought up, like how sometimes Yade’s fingers lingered when she was handing a cup of tea or a plate of food to amo Güneş, or how after Perwin was meant to be asleep she would hear soft steps from the salon to her parent’s room. She didn’t have all the words or the elements to know what that meant, but by the time she was fifteen, she’d understood two things. First, her dream had been wrong, there was no winning this war, and second, Yade and amo Güneş were in love. She’d also understood that Yabo was well aware of it, even if he didn’t seem to care. Perwin could tell, though, that he loved Yade very much, and it was then that she learned that love sometimes meant pretending one’s heart wasn’t breaking into a thousand pieces.

The news came quickly after the last Turkish offensive: Amo Güneş was among the wounded, and there was little chance that he would survive. Yabo took Perwin and her mom to the hospital and was the first to enter the room, asking to go in alone. When he came out, his face was red and his eyes were full of tears. Amo Güneş had a weak smile and what looked like a thousand machines plugged into different parts of his body. His eyes lit up as soon as he saw Yade walk in.

“Leyla,” he told her, vaguely moving the fingers on one hand as if asking her to hold it. “This is it, Leyla, my Leyla, it’s over.”

Perwin was surprised at how nonchalant they were being, both of them. They were taking none of the precautions they had carefully built around them as Perwin was growing up.

“I talked to Barış already. There’s someone in France waiting for you, and I have friends that will help you get there. The three of you should start a new life. Go pack up your stuff, you’re leaving tonight.”

Perwin looked at Yade and realized her eyes were welled up with tears like she’d never seen before, her hand clinging to amo Güneş’s fingers as if her life depended on it. And maybe it did.

“Perwin,” Amo Güneş said, acknowledging her presence for the first time. “Rüyamda gördüm seni.”

She looked at him confused, not knowing exactly what that had to do with anything. This didn’t seem the right place to play a game, and since she didn’t know how to answer, she said nothing at all.

He tried again, “Perwin, canim, rüyamda gördüm seni.”

Perwin looked at Yade, who gently nodded.

“Hayırdır,” Perwin managed to say.

“In my dream, I found the fish that you told me about once upon a time, remember? The glass fish.”

That dream, of course, was still imprinted in her memory, almost as if she’d dreamt it yesterday.

“And the glass fish was waiting for you in Paris, Perwin, along with your new life.”

Perwin could hear Yade sobbing, covering her mouth with one hand while holding tightly to her uncle’s fingers with the other.

“And, see, Perwin,” he concluded, his voice weak, “the good thing is, my dream is coming true. You’re going to Paris. You’ll see, the city is beautiful. When you get there, my friend will take you and your parents to your new house and then will give you the glass fish. And only then, with that glass fish in your hands, you can sit down with your mom and ask her to tell you our story.”